I don't want to grow up...

is what my oldest daughter told me two nights ago as she cried in my bed. She started sixth grade and is now going to middle school. She never gave me the impression that she was scared or nervous about school but the night before school started she came into my room upset that she could not go to sleep. We talked about how it will be an adjustment but it will be fun. Change is difficult. I personally don't do well with it and I think she has inherited lots from her momma. The next morning, I brought her to school and as we got closer to the school the tears in her eyes began to well up. I thought since it was middle school she wouldn't want me to walk her in but she did want that and I was so happy to do so. We got her settled then she gave me a big hug and went off to her class. As I walked out of the school the tears in my eyes began to well up and I cried all the way home. When I picked her up she seemed as though it was a good day and I was relieved. Then it happened again. I could hear her crying in my room and that's when she told me she doesn't want to grow up. I held her and told her I didn't want her to grow up either which is exactly how I felt. She is just overwhelmed. Everyday will get better and it will take some time to adjust. It just breaks my heart that I can't take the pain away from her. If I could I would do it in a heartbeat. That is not the right way of thinking just a mother's way. It made me think of all the times I used to tell my Mom that I loved her more than she loved me but she always said it wasn't so. As I was holding Avery and we were having the same argument I realized that my Mom was right. As a kid you can't imagine you could love something so much until you become a mother.

What is a Mother's love?
It is something that is very, very special.
It is something that no one can really explain.
It's something that is made up of much deep
devotion, joy, pain and sacrifice.
It is endless and unselfish and it endures
whatever may come.
It is full of hopes, dreams, tears and pleasure.
Nothing can ever destroy it or take that
special love away.
It is very patient and forgiving.
A Mother's love is a lifelong commitment
to selflessness.
More often than not, it requires much more
giving than receiving.
But it is something that is given with delight,
gratitude, enthusiasm and much satisfaction.
A Mother's love never fails or falters even
though the heart is breaking.
It is always believing when all the rest of the
world is condemning.
A Mother's love is a splendored miracle that man
cannot understand.
It is something that cannot be measured,
for it has no beginning or no end.

Summer coming to a close...

I guess you could say the summer is coming to a close since the kids start school Tuesday. It surely went by quickly. The house will be quiet and as crazy as it sounds I don't necessarily like it. Having five kids in the house makes for pure entertainment.

In June, we went to Gulf Shores with the family and it was a blast. The kids got to party down with their cousins. I think the hardest part of living in Texas is that the kids aren't getting to grow up with their cousins. I do know the times they are together they are creating some lifelong memories.In two weeks, I have my "A" race of the season, The Austin Triathlon. I've done this race before but this time is different. I signed up to race with the LiveStrong triathlon team. I set a goal to raise $1,ooo for the Lance Armstrong Foundation. I am so grateful that I can train like I do. I've had a motto in my head for a long time which is "I do this for those who can't". I think about all of the people fighting for their life as cancer fights to take it from them. It sucks. Cancer sucks. So when I'm busting my butt on Labor Day I know Mom's spirit will be with me every step of the way! I can't wait.

Mother's Day

Mother's Day is just around the corner I'd like share some memories I love about my mom. My mom was a selfless woman. She always put others before herself. She had the strongest faith. I strive to have that kind of faith. She was an incredible cook. There wasn't anything she couldn't cook. She was beautiful. I loved sitting upstairs watching her put her makeup on. She always put perfume on, Chanel No. 5. I often stop in department stores to smell it just to bring those memories back. She was a nurturer. She was the best medicine in all areas of my life whether it was just being sick or nursing a broken heart. She always said the right things and made it better. She loved my dad. I hope I can be as good as a wife to Aaron as she was to my dad. I could go on and on.
My kids are my everything. They bring joy to my life. I'm proud to be a mom!

Austin Marathon

I've been meaning to write this for a while and just have put it off. I haven't even written my race report for IM Coeur D'Alene. That will be my next post. I've only done two marathons with one being in the Ironman and the first one was a while ago. I was injured two weeks before and walked the whole marathon. It still was a very rewarding experience. My second was during the Ironman and that's a whole different beast. I decided to train with a group, Rogue Running instead of on my own. It was a very wise decision. I absolutely loved it. It pushed me and made me a better runner. When I signed up for this training I commited myself to it and didn't look back. I looked forward to each quality workout and gave it my all. I have to admit my other favorite thing about my training was having lunch after wards with my good friend, Malinda.
I had the best weather conditions on pretty much all of my runs. I loved doing my long runs in Austin. It was so nice having a change in scenery every week. I was able to meet lots of new people and form some great friendships. I think one of the best aspects of my training has been the friendships I've created. It makes me happy.
Now to the race report. I didn't sleep very well but I never do the night before a race. I woke up and had my usual breakfast and made sure I had all the things I needed packed up and ready to go. I parked at Rogue and went to the restroom and got my stuff and just hung out until it was time to leave. I wasn't really nervous which was unusual.
I walked over to the start and found the 4:15 pace group. As I was standing there a young guy with an Army tshirt began to make small talk. He said this was his first race ever. I asked why he chose a marathon as opposed to a shorter distance and his reply was he thought it would be fun. Hmmm, fun. He randomly picked 4:15 to start with because he thought it that might work out for him. I did see him at the end of the marathon and asked him how it went and he said at mile 17 he thought he was in hell. Kinda funny. On the other side of me was a guy who asked me about my Garmin. He said he had heard about the marathon on the radio and decided to sign up just a few days earlier. He also said he had ran twenty miles the day before and figured he could do the 26.2 that day. Wow! I felt like I was on a hidden camera show and these guys were telling me these things to see how I'd react. In my mind I was thinking..Are you crazy?! I mean I had been training for six months for this momentous occasion and they just decided it would be a fun "thing" to do.
So it was time to take off. The first three miles were crowded but it was good for me so that I wouldn't go out to fast. I was staying with the pacers. I was thinking of my game plan and reminding myself to stick with it.
Miles 4-6 were slightly downhill and the pacers going pretty fast to makeup for the first three miles, I guess. I was thinking to myself that it wasn't what I planned especially so early in the race. So I did my own thing. I turned on to Lake Austin and tried to find my pace but just wasn't feeling it. I felt off.
We turned off on to Exposition and the rollers began. I had run this during my training so there were no surprises. I saw Leah and Jay and stopped to give Leah a big hug and continued on. Still felt off but was trying to stay positive. At mile 11, I began to walk. I felt sick to my stomach and dizzy. I couldn't believe it. I had worked so hard for this day. I was feeling so bad that I thought I would try and find medic and call it a day but the Ironman in me would not let that happen. I was not going to get a DNF no way. I knew Jeanie was going to be near Foster and then Malinda and David near the half so I was looking forward to that. I gave hugs to them but really wanted to stop and cry.
It was all mental at this point to finish but damn I had a long way to go. At this point I looked forward to each water stop kind of like at Ironman. One mile at a time and don't think any further. The hill on Dean Keaton was just ridiculous but having Coach Amy was so helpful. She is like a little angel that is always in the right place at the right time. The end was near, down MLK and then up the San Jacinto hills and the finish. I had a wonderful surprise on MLK when Aaron was standing there. He joined me for the end. He was talking to me but I couldn't respond back for fear up throwing up. Yes. It was that bad. I got up the last hill and gave it my all to the finish. I saw my coach, Carolyn and waved. It was finished and I did it! Time...4:27 It wasn't the 4:15 but I was pretty damn proud of what I had just done and still am. I seriously didn't think I'd finish.
The Ironman spirit came out in me. My mantra that I kept repeating in my head was that it was MY race to win. I wasn't racing anyone but myself. I was well trained and prepared. I gave it all I had to give.

Holidays

Once again I've failed to blog regularly like I hoped. Oh well. The holidays have crept up on me and I'm now swamped with things to do. This time of year is bittersweet for me. The decorations, the kids excitement, the cooler weather is all very exciting but it also marks a darker time with the remembrance of mom's death. I can't believe it's been ten years. The memories of her on her last Christmas Eve celebration is so vivid in my mind. I listen to the music we played for her in her last hours...By Heart by Jim Brickman is my favorite.
http://www.last.fm/music/Jim+Brickman/_/By+Heart

I'm looking forward to being with my family for the Christmas family celebration. We've missed it for several years. The kids love going to Louisiana. They love spending time with their cousins. That is a down side to living away. I hope that their friendships continue to grow.
I am so very blessed. I have an amazing husband. Five wonderful, smart, healthy kids. Amazing family. Renee. My friends. My health. I am truly blessed.

Goonies

One of my favorite movies growing up was The Goonies. It's a classic and I still enjoy watching it with the kids. This is the first year I've allowed the kids to ride their bikes to school. I get some complaining every once in a while but for the most part they all enjoy it. The reason I bring this movie up is every morning this kids take off on their bikes all in a row and it reminds me of that movie when they were going to the old restaurant to look for the treasure. I'm going to take a picture and post it. It's a little Bostick train...

Starting over

I'm constantly trying to keep a journal but always seem to let it go by the wayside. I promise I'll keep up with this. I love reading other blogs so I hope those of you who might follow mine will find it somewhat interesting.
Life is good.